LA Slam Team

Last night I slammed onto the LA Slam team via Brass Knuckles @ Kaos. I came in second place right behind the lovely Nikki BLAK and am joined by fellow teammates Judy Holiday, Mr. Poetic, and Daniel Weingarten. It was a hard fight to make the team and I am so thankful for the challange, the people, and the words. We're reppin LA at nationals in August! Kill it!

Fell In Like With A Girl

You found me
In the light
At the end
Of the tunnel

Drenched in new church
Pulling bicycle kicks from
My claims to being champion

You asked me if I was a holy man.
I said, “Not anymore.”
“Not anymore,” I said
Now
Now I just pray my heartbeat into better poems
And admire the moon for her perfection

That was ok with you
That was ok

Said you couldn’t imagine
How much perfection it would take
To earn the love of God
So you didn’t imagine God

Your brain worked like that
Always dealing in absolutes
Like gravity and red wine and ketchup

Though neither of us danced
We did around our fears
That night
Researched phobias
Split the firewood in our sides
With the axe of our laughter

When I had to wake up
2 hours after
Our first kiss
Every yawn that followed
Was worth it.

You were worth it.

And I told you I thought
You mumbled halos better
Than any angel wore them.

Told you I saw sunsets in your awkward
Even if you ignored them

And that I knew that you were not broken
You just weren’t standing tall

That’s when you spilled
Your guts like a mostly
Empty water glass
Told me how
Somebody hadn’t caught your heart
When it fell for them
And it broke into pieces
Like scattering schools of fish
Trying to breath life
From those few splattered drops
Left evaporating

I held your hand
Said I was never very good at catching things
But that I would learn
I would get bigger hands
I would try

You sat quite
I wondered what you were feeling

Told me that you kept your feelings
Like state secrets.
You’d have to kill me if you shared them

And then you left

I’d gotten used to the way your fingerprints blurred my vision
So now that you’ve gone, things are coming back into focus
Or something like it
And I am realizing I woke up too fast
Got dizzy
My smile claiming narcolepsy
When asked why it keeps lying down

When that excuse no longer fools anyone
I will blame sushi
Because we never got to
Or the window that stopped your forehead
Before you could gaze down onto the floor
Or Eiffel towers that only serve food from New York

You’re the only one that’ll get that
You’re the only one that has to

And you,
Though you only walked my line
For 8 weeks
You reminded me how much fun life can be


So that night when you decided to go
I tucked a note into the fold of your coat that read

You’ve got to give your heart permission to love again!
And maybe a little wiggle room to grow…
I know that
We’re all runnin’ from something, we just
Don’t have to run alone.

I Wish I Spoke To The Moon

the wind blew into the harmonica of my bones. my entire body sang with parachute vibrato. showed me just how much i don't miss any of it. wondered if that was sad. knew that it was not. knew that it was simply new. the band carried me out past the borders of midnight. no more placebos called prayer. no more letters to the moon.


all over i was broken. i was whole. i leaked anvils from my pores. knew that that sweat was just my skin learning to let go. memorized the weight and how it made me feel full and happy. letting go made me happy and full. my arms, that at one time held the world, were no longer full. they were free to know things. i was free to know.


i knew then, what i still know now. now i know two things. the first is that if there's one thing worth protecting, it's your heart. the second is that if there's one thing worth risking, it's your heart.


some days I am not sure which to do. some days i’m just not sure.


sure of vast ocean in the difference between right and real. some things are only ghosts living beneath the floorboards that we lay each time we start a new. those ghosts never had a name. never had a chance. we just made them up like paper dolls filling in for the friendships we hoped would not pass. but they passed like a flatline. they passed like a day. beautiful while it lasted. but most times temporary and gut wrenching mean the exact same thing.

why? why don't you ever stay?

because you're constantly groping door knobs, your constantly propping open doors, my hands don't feel normal if they're not empty. my hands feel broken when they are full.

would you see me like a helicopter? could you remind me of my wings? i remember that i flew here but i cannot recall what with. just that when i’d landed i’d found no honor among thieves. in a room full of innocence i knew there was nothing that hadn’t been stolen to get there.

the only difference was i had stopped pretending like I wanted to be found. knew that i already was and, at the same time, never would be. never again would i be angry with somebody who’s not even paying attention. no. i won’t waste anything beautiful on them. it’s nothing they won’t miss.

these hammocks of rain in the sky mean nothing. these hammocks never stay. i have fishhooked sunshine into showing its face before. today may not be that day. today is the day i wring the dust out of my choke. i’ll wish and then. i will start tomorrow morning and everyday since and everyday since and everyday since then.