a week or so ago i promised new poems. i then became distracted editing the video-book project and havent had time to edit the new pieces yet. they've only been slowed. not stopped. new work soon!
also, working on a new website to take the place of this shabby blog.
in the meantime, a friend of mine showed me this the other day. she's a fellow poet and thus, always has neat little things to share that I likely pass on to others.
"telling the truth is like exposing the underside of our wings..." when I find myself judging others too harshly for being so paralyzingly terrified of honesty, I ought to pause and just be grateful I have no fear of heights.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Friday, January 13, 2012
Solutions.
"You cannot solve the problems until you get the REAL ISSUES out on the table"- Reverand A. James Lawson
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
From Modern Voyage
The gentlemen at Modern Voyage were kind enough to produce a new video for me. Check it out and be sure and cruise over to www.modern-voyage.com to see what other treats they're harboring for your enjoyment.
Machette - Nick Macedo from Modern Voyage on Vimeo.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
New Poems Are'a Comin'
NEW POEMS should be up by WEEKS END. just as soon as editing has concluded.
Also, I have a new ebook in the works that will include not only poems but video embeds as well. Tentative title "The Sound of a Spine." more info sooon...
check back often and much. new happenings about to be happening.
Also, I have a new ebook in the works that will include not only poems but video embeds as well. Tentative title "The Sound of a Spine." more info sooon...
check back often and much. new happenings about to be happening.
Monday, December 26, 2011
sometimes i read certain things and feel understood.
"I have been known to be too honest. It comes honest. I mean to make things better when I lay my cards on the table. It's not to insult anyone or make them uncomfortable. This quality often goes unappreciated as was the case on this day..."- Buddy Wakefield.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Two Tambourines
Let us not act as if we
Were ever anything more
Than what you made us
Out to be in the end.
Just another reckless, temporary, thrill
Used to occupy the landfill of your chest.
Something to spike your pulse.
Make you feel artistic and dangerous.
Bet I should have taken cues
From the way you treated your body
Like it were an apology letter
Trying to dismiss
All the good I saw in you.
Somehow, I never seemed to notice
The nervous blade
Tucked into the folds of your throat.
The way you’d smile, show me the folder
Of engagement rings you kept on your computer
And then say things like,
“Marrying an artist was never part of my plan.”
I was a place holder.
You were busy cutting out of the picture
Well before the end.
The end was a quiet riptide.
Every one of my words swallowed
By the still, frigid ocean of your exterior.
I was the only one trying
To swim us out of the storm.
You were content to let us drown in our sleep.
And didn’t have the decency
To wake me. So when I woke
I thought I was still fighting for us
Until I realized I was trying to breath air
Into lungs that had been still for days.
You were a silent fight. Sucker punch to the ribs
That left a jellyfish shaped hole in my side.
See, like jellyfish
You are gorgeous, spineless, and full of sting.
No heart or guts.
You’re just chasing the warmth of anything or anyone
Who can make you feel like sunshine.
And you asked me to trust you.
No metaphors or clever words.
Just one soul asking another
“Please, will you drop the bullshit with me?”
And I did.
Let you wide in.
Stood still as you ran your hands
Over the scars
Left by my father and my faith,
Sat there listening to your sex speak
On behalf of all your insecurities.
Didn’t flinch at the thought
Of you vomiting up your ghosts.
You were one of the few places
I allowed myself to be more comfortable
Than a room full of strangers with open mic.
I may be the reason you
Will never date another poet.
But you are the reason my stomach
Feels more comfortable swallowing glass
Than it does with trusting again.
I am grinding the memories of you
Down into mortar I will use to rebuild the wall
I dropped at your request.
Memories of how our first kiss
Tasted like an exit wound
Memories of how you told me
I was the only man to ever ask you on a proper date (you deserved no less),
Only man to tell you that you were beautiful (i meant it),
Only man to not try and change who you were (i only wanted you)
Memories of how I hand painted
The skins of two tambourines.
Gave them to you for your birthday.
Cause I thought you were the kind of person
Who would not shake
Except to make a beautiful noise.
Turns out you were a closet full of bones
Stuck in perpetual rattle.
Collecting hearts and degrees
Like they are nothing more
Than notches on the belt
You use to hold your chin up.
You hung coward.
Trying to convince yourself
You are anything but a coward
Afraid to face the truth.
Like the final memory
How the last time I left your house
I noticed those two tambourines
Still in their boxes. Tucked under a table
In the corner of your room.
Hidden somewhere out of the way
Where you would not have to
Risk hearing them shake by accident.
Risk accidently being reminded
That unlike tambourines
We were never a beautiful noise.
(to anyone but me.)
Were ever anything more
Than what you made us
Out to be in the end.
Just another reckless, temporary, thrill
Used to occupy the landfill of your chest.
Something to spike your pulse.
Make you feel artistic and dangerous.
Bet I should have taken cues
From the way you treated your body
Like it were an apology letter
Trying to dismiss
All the good I saw in you.
Somehow, I never seemed to notice
The nervous blade
Tucked into the folds of your throat.
The way you’d smile, show me the folder
Of engagement rings you kept on your computer
And then say things like,
“Marrying an artist was never part of my plan.”
I was a place holder.
You were busy cutting out of the picture
Well before the end.
The end was a quiet riptide.
Every one of my words swallowed
By the still, frigid ocean of your exterior.
I was the only one trying
To swim us out of the storm.
You were content to let us drown in our sleep.
And didn’t have the decency
To wake me. So when I woke
I thought I was still fighting for us
Until I realized I was trying to breath air
Into lungs that had been still for days.
You were a silent fight. Sucker punch to the ribs
That left a jellyfish shaped hole in my side.
See, like jellyfish
You are gorgeous, spineless, and full of sting.
No heart or guts.
You’re just chasing the warmth of anything or anyone
Who can make you feel like sunshine.
And you asked me to trust you.
No metaphors or clever words.
Just one soul asking another
“Please, will you drop the bullshit with me?”
And I did.
Let you wide in.
Stood still as you ran your hands
Over the scars
Left by my father and my faith,
Sat there listening to your sex speak
On behalf of all your insecurities.
Didn’t flinch at the thought
Of you vomiting up your ghosts.
You were one of the few places
I allowed myself to be more comfortable
Than a room full of strangers with open mic.
I may be the reason you
Will never date another poet.
But you are the reason my stomach
Feels more comfortable swallowing glass
Than it does with trusting again.
I am grinding the memories of you
Down into mortar I will use to rebuild the wall
I dropped at your request.
Memories of how our first kiss
Tasted like an exit wound
Memories of how you told me
I was the only man to ever ask you on a proper date (you deserved no less),
Only man to tell you that you were beautiful (i meant it),
Only man to not try and change who you were (i only wanted you)
Memories of how I hand painted
The skins of two tambourines.
Gave them to you for your birthday.
Cause I thought you were the kind of person
Who would not shake
Except to make a beautiful noise.
Turns out you were a closet full of bones
Stuck in perpetual rattle.
Collecting hearts and degrees
Like they are nothing more
Than notches on the belt
You use to hold your chin up.
You hung coward.
Trying to convince yourself
You are anything but a coward
Afraid to face the truth.
Like the final memory
How the last time I left your house
I noticed those two tambourines
Still in their boxes. Tucked under a table
In the corner of your room.
Hidden somewhere out of the way
Where you would not have to
Risk hearing them shake by accident.
Risk accidently being reminded
That unlike tambourines
We were never a beautiful noise.
(to anyone but me.)
Cannon
I sat in my own church
And listened to a sermon
Where a man preached
To have studied all world religions.
He said, “I know that Hindu’s
Only wish to escape their bodies,
All Muslims only want to kill Christians,
While Jesus Christ is the only God
Who tells us to love someone
More than ourselves.”
The ignorance of that comparison
Collided with the pulse in my spine
Like a blind man trying to hug a locomotive.
Left me feeling flat and derailed.
Reached for the best way to love the messenger
Without upholding his message.
However, when I raised objection of the stereotypes
My pastor painted me like I were whistle blowing
In the prison chapel. Called for a town hall meeting.
Whispered Salem in my ear. Told me
That I was making too big a deal out of all this.
Like caring for my brothers of another faith
And having a backbone this loud
Are something I should work on keeping quiet
See Brother, like you, I too call Christ, God.
I too faith with my hands pressed into gospel.
So with all this talk of love
I figured that a comment like,
“Hindu’s only wish to escape their bodies
And all Muslims only want to kill Christians”
Would have been a prejudice we’d of left at home,
Locked away in our forefathers gas chamber,
Retired and embarrassed but repented of.
I guess maybe we were feeling
A little more Old Testament than usual.
Silly me for believing some traditions,
Like hate speech, are better off dead.
With so much cymbal clanging in those words
Tell me how you justify stereotyping Hindus,
Saying they only wish to escape their bodies
As if they’re only trying to outrun all this gravity and flesh,
Like we Christians aren’t known
For being so concerned with our exit to heaven
That we pay no mind of the hells here on earth. Like we’re
Absolved of our responsibility because we promise to pray about it.
Like a 5-year-old boys rib cage
Protruding from his skin like piano keys-
Hunger? I’ll pray about.
Your next-door neighbors busted lip and bruised throat.
From the third time she “fell down the stairs.”-
Violence? I’ll pray about it.
Prejudice? I’ll pray about it. Poverty? I’ll pray about it.
We are known for treating Eden
Like it were no more than a crime scene alter
For us to pile the chalk outlines of our sins on.
There is nothing noble about
Not taking responsibility for our own actions.
Denial is what escape looks like when it’s too afraid to run.
Just brave enough to harm.
But I’m sorry. I don’t mean to preach.
Because I know how uncomfortable
Some pastors get around soapboxes.
Especially when they’re not the ones
Standing on top of them.
So maybe we could look at the facts
Like, fact: all Muslims only wish to kill Christians…
Except for the 99.1% that do not.
Fact: Permitting stereotypes in the name of God
Only further blurs the line between microphones and an M16?
Stand behind your Guantanamo of a pulpit.
Confuse baptism with waterboarding.
Do handcuffs rust in holy water?
Because clearly some hearts do.
Just ask Rick Perry.
Fact: silence is the easiest form of permission.
And I will not permit you to hate-speak
On behalf of my love
Like you have any idea
What you are doing with your tongue.
Dangling from your lips
Like an oversized bayonet
Too heavy for your mouth, son.
If you don’t think the things said
From that stage really matter
Think about the fact that a soldier
Never picks up a gun,
Much less pulls a trigger, until the order is spoken.
The phrase “firing off your mouth” is not coincidental
Or ironic the way bible is a synonym for canon.
Maybe lockjaw is Gods way of saying
Be sure the safety’s on.
And above all else be very
Careful where you aim that thing
Cause you never know who you might hit
When it goes off.
And listened to a sermon
Where a man preached
To have studied all world religions.
He said, “I know that Hindu’s
Only wish to escape their bodies,
All Muslims only want to kill Christians,
While Jesus Christ is the only God
Who tells us to love someone
More than ourselves.”
The ignorance of that comparison
Collided with the pulse in my spine
Like a blind man trying to hug a locomotive.
Left me feeling flat and derailed.
Reached for the best way to love the messenger
Without upholding his message.
However, when I raised objection of the stereotypes
My pastor painted me like I were whistle blowing
In the prison chapel. Called for a town hall meeting.
Whispered Salem in my ear. Told me
That I was making too big a deal out of all this.
Like caring for my brothers of another faith
And having a backbone this loud
Are something I should work on keeping quiet
See Brother, like you, I too call Christ, God.
I too faith with my hands pressed into gospel.
So with all this talk of love
I figured that a comment like,
“Hindu’s only wish to escape their bodies
And all Muslims only want to kill Christians”
Would have been a prejudice we’d of left at home,
Locked away in our forefathers gas chamber,
Retired and embarrassed but repented of.
I guess maybe we were feeling
A little more Old Testament than usual.
Silly me for believing some traditions,
Like hate speech, are better off dead.
With so much cymbal clanging in those words
Tell me how you justify stereotyping Hindus,
Saying they only wish to escape their bodies
As if they’re only trying to outrun all this gravity and flesh,
Like we Christians aren’t known
For being so concerned with our exit to heaven
That we pay no mind of the hells here on earth. Like we’re
Absolved of our responsibility because we promise to pray about it.
Like a 5-year-old boys rib cage
Protruding from his skin like piano keys-
Hunger? I’ll pray about.
Your next-door neighbors busted lip and bruised throat.
From the third time she “fell down the stairs.”-
Violence? I’ll pray about it.
Prejudice? I’ll pray about it. Poverty? I’ll pray about it.
We are known for treating Eden
Like it were no more than a crime scene alter
For us to pile the chalk outlines of our sins on.
There is nothing noble about
Not taking responsibility for our own actions.
Denial is what escape looks like when it’s too afraid to run.
Just brave enough to harm.
But I’m sorry. I don’t mean to preach.
Because I know how uncomfortable
Some pastors get around soapboxes.
Especially when they’re not the ones
Standing on top of them.
So maybe we could look at the facts
Like, fact: all Muslims only wish to kill Christians…
Except for the 99.1% that do not.
Fact: Permitting stereotypes in the name of God
Only further blurs the line between microphones and an M16?
Stand behind your Guantanamo of a pulpit.
Confuse baptism with waterboarding.
Do handcuffs rust in holy water?
Because clearly some hearts do.
Just ask Rick Perry.
Fact: silence is the easiest form of permission.
And I will not permit you to hate-speak
On behalf of my love
Like you have any idea
What you are doing with your tongue.
Dangling from your lips
Like an oversized bayonet
Too heavy for your mouth, son.
If you don’t think the things said
From that stage really matter
Think about the fact that a soldier
Never picks up a gun,
Much less pulls a trigger, until the order is spoken.
The phrase “firing off your mouth” is not coincidental
Or ironic the way bible is a synonym for canon.
Maybe lockjaw is Gods way of saying
Be sure the safety’s on.
And above all else be very
Careful where you aim that thing
Cause you never know who you might hit
When it goes off.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Without Flinching: The Movie
produced by Jim Paulos.
Additional footage and performances can be viewed at www.withoutflinching.com
Additional footage and performances can be viewed at www.withoutflinching.com
Friday, October 28, 2011
Friday, April 1, 2011
30/30- #1: Good Earth
this month is national poetry and writing month. 30 poems. 30 days. #1
She is all things wind.
Laughs the way one
Does with banjo strings
Tangled in their ribcage,
Good earth stained to
The inside of their gums.
Walked out on church
The first time she saw a
Pastor preach from the pulpit
Instead of the confessional
That was the first time
She knew men could
Rewrite God, it
Would not be the last.
Wonders how to oil
The machine in her.
She has more human in
Her eyes than I have known
In a thousand lifetimes
I have known a thousand lifetimes.
But I only remember a few.
In one
I grew up carving
Love letters into
Stop signs. Ohio
You were so forgiving
In ways my heart
Has yet to learn how to.
We are
Both still learning
How to
Forgive ourselves.
But some days rain is all we have.
Some days life gets far too serious.
Some days we actually
Feel the things we talk about.
She wants to talk about sky
The way it hangs there, looks
So comfortable being present.
Makes me
Comfortable
Being present.
Like my skin is dust.
Doesn’t always
Have to blow.
She is all things wind.
Laughs the way one
Does with banjo strings
Tangled in their ribcage,
Good earth stained to
The inside of their gums.
Walked out on church
The first time she saw a
Pastor preach from the pulpit
Instead of the confessional
That was the first time
She knew men could
Rewrite God, it
Would not be the last.
Wonders how to oil
The machine in her.
She has more human in
Her eyes than I have known
In a thousand lifetimes
I have known a thousand lifetimes.
But I only remember a few.
In one
I grew up carving
Love letters into
Stop signs. Ohio
You were so forgiving
In ways my heart
Has yet to learn how to.
We are
Both still learning
How to
Forgive ourselves.
But some days rain is all we have.
Some days life gets far too serious.
Some days we actually
Feel the things we talk about.
She wants to talk about sky
The way it hangs there, looks
So comfortable being present.
Makes me
Comfortable
Being present.
Like my skin is dust.
Doesn’t always
Have to blow.
Monday, March 21, 2011
On to the next one...
Tonight we got the final slam of the season for LA Brass Knuckles. Tomorrow night is the semis for the LA Da Poetry Lounge 2011 team. Featuring this Thursday at Glassless Minds in Oceanside 7pm (219 North Coast Hwy. oceanside, CA 92054.)
thanks for the love and support!!!
here are some pics from last weeks Bakery Lounge feature


thanks for the love and support!!!
here are some pics from last weeks Bakery Lounge feature


Monday, February 21, 2011
Past, Present, and Future

here's a random picture of me sitting on the face of a mountain.
now onto the serious stuff...
Hey ya'll had a great weekend.
PAST
Saturday I brought the fun at Saddleback Churchs worship conference with poems and a workshop. Some of the 30 or so kids in the workshop shared their poems. Youth cut deep with poems about alcoholic fathers, mourning the loss of a younger brother, and missing their grandpa. Further proof that there is much more going on beneath the surface.
Then last night a benefit show to send a friend to Papua New Ginea. Again, another crazy fun night and got to share the stage with friends in Live Oak Revue and Nicole Vaughn and her lovely band. More exciting than a pinata full of adrenaline.
PRESENT
Tonight Ill be slamming in the semi-finals for the Brass Knuckles national team.
4343 Leimert Park, Los Angeles. Be there by 830pm. $5
FUTURE
Some future feature dates:
March 10: Feature @ The Bakery Lounge in North Hollywood. 8pm I believe
March 24: Feature @ Glassless Minds in Oceanside. 8pm I believe
May 5: Feature @ Elevated in San Diego. Get in line by 830pm, doors @ 9pm
Thats all for now folks. as always, email me at rootedinlove@gmail.com for more info and booking.
Big Love!
Nick
Friday, June 25, 2010
Upcoming Shows Part 1

Friday, June 25th
7pm
Team Feature At Lost Souls
Hosted by Teneale Bender
124 West 4th Street
Los Angeles, CA 90013-1308
(this venue is in Harlem Place alley between Spring and Main)
Wednesday, June 30th
9pm
Team Feature at Zanzibar
"Reflection"
Hosted by Joshua Silverstein
1301 5th Street
Santa Monica, CA 90401
Thursday, July 1st
9pm
Team Feature at Elevated
Hosted by Chris Wilson
@ Eveoke Dance Theatre
2811 University ave
San Diego, CA
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Little Big Dreams
Build a fort in my heart.
Keep your television, just give me the box.
Remember when playing pretend was more important than reality.
Grow old with me.
Create a lifetime of adventures that nobody needs to know about.
Let everybody know.
See me.
Look into the blender I mix my emotions in.
Drink me down.
Tell me which flavors are your favorite and which you never want to taste again.
Seriously.
Hold me up to the sun and squint though me.
When your eyes do not tingle electric
You will know what lengths I will go to shield you
From anything that might harm you.
Keep your television, just give me the box.
Remember when playing pretend was more important than reality.
Grow old with me.
Create a lifetime of adventures that nobody needs to know about.
Let everybody know.
See me.
Look into the blender I mix my emotions in.
Drink me down.
Tell me which flavors are your favorite and which you never want to taste again.
Seriously.
Hold me up to the sun and squint though me.
When your eyes do not tingle electric
You will know what lengths I will go to shield you
From anything that might harm you.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
LA Slam Team

Last night I slammed onto the LA Slam team via Brass Knuckles @ Kaos. I came in second place right behind the lovely Nikki BLAK and am joined by fellow teammates Judy Holiday, Mr. Poetic, and Daniel Weingarten. It was a hard fight to make the team and I am so thankful for the challange, the people, and the words. We're reppin LA at nationals in August! Kill it!
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Fell In Like With A Girl
You found me
In the light
At the end
Of the tunnel
Drenched in new church
Pulling bicycle kicks from
My claims to being champion
You asked me if I was a holy man.
I said, “Not anymore.”
“Not anymore,” I said
Now
Now I just pray my heartbeat into better poems
And admire the moon for her perfection
That was ok with you
That was ok
Said you couldn’t imagine
How much perfection it would take
To earn the love of God
So you didn’t imagine God
Your brain worked like that
Always dealing in absolutes
Like gravity and red wine and ketchup
Though neither of us danced
We did around our fears
That night
Researched phobias
Split the firewood in our sides
With the axe of our laughter
When I had to wake up
2 hours after
Our first kiss
Every yawn that followed
Was worth it.
You were worth it.
And I told you I thought
You mumbled halos better
Than any angel wore them.
Told you I saw sunsets in your awkward
Even if you ignored them
And that I knew that you were not broken
You just weren’t standing tall
That’s when you spilled
Your guts like a mostly
Empty water glass
Told me how
Somebody hadn’t caught your heart
When it fell for them
And it broke into pieces
Like scattering schools of fish
Trying to breath life
From those few splattered drops
Left evaporating
I held your hand
Said I was never very good at catching things
But that I would learn
I would get bigger hands
I would try
You sat quite
I wondered what you were feeling
Told me that you kept your feelings
Like state secrets.
You’d have to kill me if you shared them
And then you left
I’d gotten used to the way your fingerprints blurred my vision
So now that you’ve gone, things are coming back into focus
Or something like it
And I am realizing I woke up too fast
Got dizzy
My smile claiming narcolepsy
When asked why it keeps lying down
When that excuse no longer fools anyone
I will blame sushi
Because we never got to
Or the window that stopped your forehead
Before you could gaze down onto the floor
Or Eiffel towers that only serve food from New York
You’re the only one that’ll get that
You’re the only one that has to
And you,
Though you only walked my line
For 8 weeks
You reminded me how much fun life can be
So that night when you decided to go
I tucked a note into the fold of your coat that read
You’ve got to give your heart permission to love again!
And maybe a little wiggle room to grow…
I know that
We’re all runnin’ from something, we just
Don’t have to run alone.
In the light
At the end
Of the tunnel
Drenched in new church
Pulling bicycle kicks from
My claims to being champion
You asked me if I was a holy man.
I said, “Not anymore.”
“Not anymore,” I said
Now
Now I just pray my heartbeat into better poems
And admire the moon for her perfection
That was ok with you
That was ok
Said you couldn’t imagine
How much perfection it would take
To earn the love of God
So you didn’t imagine God
Your brain worked like that
Always dealing in absolutes
Like gravity and red wine and ketchup
Though neither of us danced
We did around our fears
That night
Researched phobias
Split the firewood in our sides
With the axe of our laughter
When I had to wake up
2 hours after
Our first kiss
Every yawn that followed
Was worth it.
You were worth it.
And I told you I thought
You mumbled halos better
Than any angel wore them.
Told you I saw sunsets in your awkward
Even if you ignored them
And that I knew that you were not broken
You just weren’t standing tall
That’s when you spilled
Your guts like a mostly
Empty water glass
Told me how
Somebody hadn’t caught your heart
When it fell for them
And it broke into pieces
Like scattering schools of fish
Trying to breath life
From those few splattered drops
Left evaporating
I held your hand
Said I was never very good at catching things
But that I would learn
I would get bigger hands
I would try
You sat quite
I wondered what you were feeling
Told me that you kept your feelings
Like state secrets.
You’d have to kill me if you shared them
And then you left
I’d gotten used to the way your fingerprints blurred my vision
So now that you’ve gone, things are coming back into focus
Or something like it
And I am realizing I woke up too fast
Got dizzy
My smile claiming narcolepsy
When asked why it keeps lying down
When that excuse no longer fools anyone
I will blame sushi
Because we never got to
Or the window that stopped your forehead
Before you could gaze down onto the floor
Or Eiffel towers that only serve food from New York
You’re the only one that’ll get that
You’re the only one that has to
And you,
Though you only walked my line
For 8 weeks
You reminded me how much fun life can be
So that night when you decided to go
I tucked a note into the fold of your coat that read
You’ve got to give your heart permission to love again!
And maybe a little wiggle room to grow…
I know that
We’re all runnin’ from something, we just
Don’t have to run alone.
I Wish I Spoke To The Moon
the wind blew into the harmonica of my bones. my entire body sang with parachute vibrato. showed me just how much i don't miss any of it. wondered if that was sad. knew that it was not. knew that it was simply new. the band carried me out past the borders of midnight. no more placebos called prayer. no more letters to the moon.
all over i was broken. i was whole. i leaked anvils from my pores. knew that that sweat was just my skin learning to let go. memorized the weight and how it made me feel full and happy. letting go made me happy and full. my arms, that at one time held the world, were no longer full. they were free to know things. i was free to know.
i knew then, what i still know now. now i know two things. the first is that if there's one thing worth protecting, it's your heart. the second is that if there's one thing worth risking, it's your heart.
some days I am not sure which to do. some days i’m just not sure.
sure of vast ocean in the difference between right and real. some things are only ghosts living beneath the floorboards that we lay each time we start a new. those ghosts never had a name. never had a chance. we just made them up like paper dolls filling in for the friendships we hoped would not pass. but they passed like a flatline. they passed like a day. beautiful while it lasted. but most times temporary and gut wrenching mean the exact same thing.
why? why don't you ever stay?
because you're constantly groping door knobs, your constantly propping open doors, my hands don't feel normal if they're not empty. my hands feel broken when they are full.
would you see me like a helicopter? could you remind me of my wings? i remember that i flew here but i cannot recall what with. just that when i’d landed i’d found no honor among thieves. in a room full of innocence i knew there was nothing that hadn’t been stolen to get there.
the only difference was i had stopped pretending like I wanted to be found. knew that i already was and, at the same time, never would be. never again would i be angry with somebody who’s not even paying attention. no. i won’t waste anything beautiful on them. it’s nothing they won’t miss.
these hammocks of rain in the sky mean nothing. these hammocks never stay. i have fishhooked sunshine into showing its face before. today may not be that day. today is the day i wring the dust out of my choke. i’ll wish and then. i will start tomorrow morning and everyday since and everyday since and everyday since then.
all over i was broken. i was whole. i leaked anvils from my pores. knew that that sweat was just my skin learning to let go. memorized the weight and how it made me feel full and happy. letting go made me happy and full. my arms, that at one time held the world, were no longer full. they were free to know things. i was free to know.
i knew then, what i still know now. now i know two things. the first is that if there's one thing worth protecting, it's your heart. the second is that if there's one thing worth risking, it's your heart.
some days I am not sure which to do. some days i’m just not sure.
sure of vast ocean in the difference between right and real. some things are only ghosts living beneath the floorboards that we lay each time we start a new. those ghosts never had a name. never had a chance. we just made them up like paper dolls filling in for the friendships we hoped would not pass. but they passed like a flatline. they passed like a day. beautiful while it lasted. but most times temporary and gut wrenching mean the exact same thing.
why? why don't you ever stay?
because you're constantly groping door knobs, your constantly propping open doors, my hands don't feel normal if they're not empty. my hands feel broken when they are full.
would you see me like a helicopter? could you remind me of my wings? i remember that i flew here but i cannot recall what with. just that when i’d landed i’d found no honor among thieves. in a room full of innocence i knew there was nothing that hadn’t been stolen to get there.
the only difference was i had stopped pretending like I wanted to be found. knew that i already was and, at the same time, never would be. never again would i be angry with somebody who’s not even paying attention. no. i won’t waste anything beautiful on them. it’s nothing they won’t miss.
these hammocks of rain in the sky mean nothing. these hammocks never stay. i have fishhooked sunshine into showing its face before. today may not be that day. today is the day i wring the dust out of my choke. i’ll wish and then. i will start tomorrow morning and everyday since and everyday since and everyday since then.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Splash
Empathy
Is when you stop feeling deeply sorry for someone
And start wearing their scars
Like birthmarks
All red, rash, and sore
I’m reminded how Eli buckled
The eve
He heard
We had spoke.
In the months that followed
Made himself a broken bottle bloodbath
While managing to remain sober.
There was so much red splatter
On his words
I had to wonder what had died
And if we’d ever find it.
We did.
Mary Anne never said much.
That’s not to say
She never talked. Constantly
In the mood to take her
Ghost off
And strike it like flint
Against the skeletons in her closet, hoping
To spark life. Death
Feels so cold
In the hands of a daughter
Never held by a father.
My hands were no substitute.
Often, Sarai would try and remind herself
That there are rivers of beautiful music flowing through her
On nights she had a hard time hearing it
She would play her wrist like a violin
Using a bow made of razor blades.
To this day she still bleeds out of tune.
Listen close enough. You’ll hear it.
Like their pain is
So deep in your eardrums
You back break dances baselines
And melodies
Are the only religion
You feel comfortable calling your own
(Nhat Hanh once said,)“Only your compassion and
Your loving kindness are invincible, and without limit.”
So break me invincible.
Until I am bullet proof enough for both of us
Until my prayers cut the strings that have your hands
Bound behind your heartbeat
Until I can un-break all that’s broken in your home
Until I can
Raise the death out your bones
Break me
When mill workers in Ahmadabad, India
Were left starving families
Mahatma Gandhi adopted their hunger
Into his body as he starved with them
Till his skin clung to his ribs
Like a mother cradling her still-born fetus
It is said that when Ghandi fasted
Entire cities left their lamps
Unlit at night
Uniting a nation in the darkness of injustice
And the subsequent fight to take back the light
I’m still waiting
That one day
My eyes would adjust
Teach me how your hallways feel in my dark
On 9-11, Muslim extremists
Flew planes into our buildings until
Two towers dropped.
On 9-12, and every year since,
East End Muslims have gathered
To mourn every life lost
Because they believe
The quality of human
To be a stronger bond than
The division of hate
It’s left me whittling a hunch
That all of us
Got big broken angels buried in our back yards
Waiting to be dug up
Waiting to be held wingspan
To each other
Find sanctuary in the chapel
Of our collective scars
Break me invincible
I am willing to risk
You smashing my heart
Cause sometimes
The only place left
That we still feel
Is music
Knowing we need more.
Sounds waves
Come crash
On the reefs barricading our love
High tide’s in our throat
Fears cast in the sun
So the ripple that swells
Comes welcome,
Though fast
Don’t skip me like some stone
Build us invincible
Just
Like that splash
Is when you stop feeling deeply sorry for someone
And start wearing their scars
Like birthmarks
All red, rash, and sore
I’m reminded how Eli buckled
The eve
He heard
We had spoke.
In the months that followed
Made himself a broken bottle bloodbath
While managing to remain sober.
There was so much red splatter
On his words
I had to wonder what had died
And if we’d ever find it.
We did.
Mary Anne never said much.
That’s not to say
She never talked. Constantly
In the mood to take her
Ghost off
And strike it like flint
Against the skeletons in her closet, hoping
To spark life. Death
Feels so cold
In the hands of a daughter
Never held by a father.
My hands were no substitute.
Often, Sarai would try and remind herself
That there are rivers of beautiful music flowing through her
On nights she had a hard time hearing it
She would play her wrist like a violin
Using a bow made of razor blades.
To this day she still bleeds out of tune.
Listen close enough. You’ll hear it.
Like their pain is
So deep in your eardrums
You back break dances baselines
And melodies
Are the only religion
You feel comfortable calling your own
(Nhat Hanh once said,)“Only your compassion and
Your loving kindness are invincible, and without limit.”
So break me invincible.
Until I am bullet proof enough for both of us
Until my prayers cut the strings that have your hands
Bound behind your heartbeat
Until I can un-break all that’s broken in your home
Until I can
Raise the death out your bones
Break me
When mill workers in Ahmadabad, India
Were left starving families
Mahatma Gandhi adopted their hunger
Into his body as he starved with them
Till his skin clung to his ribs
Like a mother cradling her still-born fetus
It is said that when Ghandi fasted
Entire cities left their lamps
Unlit at night
Uniting a nation in the darkness of injustice
And the subsequent fight to take back the light
I’m still waiting
That one day
My eyes would adjust
Teach me how your hallways feel in my dark
On 9-11, Muslim extremists
Flew planes into our buildings until
Two towers dropped.
On 9-12, and every year since,
East End Muslims have gathered
To mourn every life lost
Because they believe
The quality of human
To be a stronger bond than
The division of hate
It’s left me whittling a hunch
That all of us
Got big broken angels buried in our back yards
Waiting to be dug up
Waiting to be held wingspan
To each other
Find sanctuary in the chapel
Of our collective scars
Break me invincible
I am willing to risk
You smashing my heart
Cause sometimes
The only place left
That we still feel
Is music
Knowing we need more.
Sounds waves
Come crash
On the reefs barricading our love
High tide’s in our throat
Fears cast in the sun
So the ripple that swells
Comes welcome,
Though fast
Don’t skip me like some stone
Build us invincible
Just
Like that splash
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)


